


Warehouse Mischief (or Why Artie Should Never Take Vacations)

by lilgirlost (lil_grl_lost)



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: Community: trope_bingo, Gen, Humor, Screenplay/Script Format, Team Bonding, Truth or Dare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-06
Updated: 2013-04-06
Packaged: 2017-12-07 16:51:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/750810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lil_grl_lost/pseuds/lilgirlost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the cat's away the mice will play or in this case while Artie's away visiting his father, Claudia gets the brilliant idea of playing truth or dare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Warehouse Mischief (or Why Artie Should Never Take Vacations)

**Author's Note:**

> This was written to fill the **truth or dare** square on my trope-bingo card, so in the spirit of complete honesty, I don't like this story... actually, I down right hate it. However, it needed to be written and it has been written, so I'm done.
> 
> This is unbetaed; all errors are my own.

**Claudia:** In honor of Artie being gone to visit his dad, I decided to make it a team bonding night. People, who’s up for a little truth or dare?

_*Steve, Myka, and Pete turn to look at Claudia as she dances into the warehouse*_

**Steve:** I know when people are lying; how is everyone else supposed to?

**Claudia:** Glad you asked, Jinksy. _*brandishes an ancient looking tea set*_ This my friends is Yu Chenglong’s tea set. According to the database, whoever drinks from this set won’t be able to lie.

**Myka:** Kind of like George Washington’s teeth.

**Claudia:** _*snaps fingers*_ Exactly, except you don’t have to put this in your mouth. Sooo, who’s in?

_*Steve and Pete glance at each other then Claudia and shrug*_

**Claudia:** _*grins*_ So the rules are simple: truths, you drink from the cup and dares are either safe artifacts or dumb pranks. And Trailer is off limits, my rules.

**Myka:** Claudia, this is a bad idea.

**Claudia:** If Leena is willing to referee, then it's safe enough..." _*looks around at the group*_ Right?

**Pete:** Don't be such a stick in the mud, Myks. Live a little.

**Myka:** Which is what I'm trying to do, by not playing with dangerous artifacts.

**Pete:** _*rolls eyes*_ Safe artifacts only, Myka. _*makes a duh!face*_

**Myka:** Are there really any truly safe artifacts in the warehouse?

**Jinks:** _*walks into Artie’s office*_ What are we arguing about?

**Claudia:** Whether or not our game of truth or dare is safe?

**Jinks:** Oh. What's Leena's say on it?

**Claudia:** She's bringing the tea.

**Jinks:** Point taken.

**Claudia:** _*grins and claps hands*_ All right, people, we've got some truthing and some daring to do. And we haven't got all night.

**Leena:** _*walks in carrying a thermos of specially brewed herbal tea*_ What's the time?

**Claudia:** *checks at her Artie!clock* T-minus 29 hours and 41 minutes til Artie's home.

**Pete:** You in Miss Goody Two Shoes?

**Myka:** Hey! I'll have you know, I used to get crazy in college.

**Pete:** Uh huh... Pull my other leg. Remember I went to your high school reunion.

**Myka:** Shut up, Pete.

**Pete:** Just saying, so we doing this or not, people.

**Claudia:** Let’s do this. Jinksy, pour the tea.

**Leena:** _*looks around the room*_ Who’s first?

**Claudia:** Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock.

**Jinks:** You’ve got to stop watching that show.

**Claudia:** And you need to catch-up on Revenge.

**Jinks:** Touché.

_*plays the best two out of three with Pete being the winner*_

**Pete:** Alright, Stevie-boy. truth or dare.

**Steve:** Truth.

**Pete:** Alright, Steve. First guy you ever slept with and don't spare the details. We want to know it ALL!

**Myka:** You mean you... you want to know it all.

**Steve:** _*side eyes Claudia, who grins*_ Looking for pointers, Pete? Or is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the class?

**Pete:** _*confused*_ Share with the rest of the class.... OH! God, no! So not gay, definitely not gay. Love the ladies too much. _*winks at Leena*_

**Myka:** _*mutters*_ Sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen.

**Pete:** That was one time! How was I supposed to know she was a cop?

**Myka:** _*rolls eyes*_ It shouldn’t matter if she was cop or not. Pete—

**Claudia:** People. People. We’re trying to play a game, not discuss all the possible ways Pete is going to end up in jail.

**Steve:** Though that would be entertaining too.

**Claudia:** True, but not the point. We have T-Minus 29 hours and 12 minutes til Artie’s home. Let’s make the most of it.

**Pete:** You heard the lady, soooo Steve… what is your response?

**Steve:** _*takes a sip from the cup and makes a face*_ How can anyone drink that, tastes like old socks.

**Pete:** Got experience with that, huh Steve. _*nudge*_

**Steve:** Okay. First guy I ever slept with was Matt Shaffer. Iwas18hewas20andhedidthisthingwithhistongueand... _*slaps hand over mouth*_ Oh god! I can’t believe I just said that.

**Pete:** _*looks sick*_ I regret asking that question and promise to never ask you anything about your sex life ever again.

**Claudia:** _*fans self*_ Hot.

**Myka:** Do you know that the most common cause of—

**Pete:** I’m going to stop you right there because I don’t like how that sentence started. So Stevie-boy, it’s your turn.

**Steve:** Myka, truth or dare.

**Myka:** _*looks at Pete then squares her shoulders*_ Dare.

**Pete:** Oooo, My-ka’s going for crazy!

**Steve:** _*taps his chin*_  Leena, may I talk with you for a moment over there. _*points to the far corner of the office*_

_*Leena and Steve whisper back and forth for a few minutes then come back to the table*_

**Steve:** Myka, I dare you to take a spin on Steve McQueen’s motorcycle.

**Myka:** You have no control over it.

**Claudia:** That what makes it so much fun. You just sit back and let it do the driving... all those twists and turns. It’s the coolest experience ever.

**Myka:** Ummm...

**Pete:** Don’t tell me you’re chickening out already? Bwwaakkk!! Bwwaakk!!

**Myka:** _*rolls eyes*_ Real mature, Pete. _*turns to Leena*_  What’s the penalty for not taking a dare?

**Claudia:** Leena, a word.

_*The pair converses for a few minutes before coming back to the table.*_

**Leena:** The penalty, Myka, is that you have to pose in a compromising situation with one artifact of the darer’s choosing.

**Pete:** _*raises hand and fidgets like a 5 year old*_ Came I pick it? Please, Steve. I’ll do your laundry for a week.

**Steve:** _*gives Pete a are-you-kidding-me look*_ Yeah. No. I’ll pass. I saw what happened to your last load of laundry... all your whites were pink.

**Pete:** And you wouldn’t even exchange clothes with me. I thought pink was your color.

**Steve:** Do you even hear yourself sometimes?

**Pete:** Nope.

**Steve:** Thought as much. So penalty, Myka?

**Myka:** What happens to the photo?

**Leena:** To be used at the darer’s discretion.

**Myka:** Steve....

**Steve:** _*grins*_ I make no promises. _*leans over and whispers in Claudia’s ear*_ Claudia, if you please.

**Claudia:** Let’s go, Myka. Don’t worry, it’s actually pretty tame. We’ll be back in two shakes.

***

_Twenty Minutes Later : Round Two_

**Steve:** Was it really that bad?

**Pete:** Oh my god! I needed brain bleach after that. I had Claudia working on a formula and everything.

**Claudia:** Yep. Watching Artie pelvic thrust is something nobody should ever have to or want to see.

**Steve:** So Elvis Presley’s hip bone causes the holder to gyrate like Elvis?

**Claudia:** Pretty much. You’d think it would be fun to watch, and yet... it wasn’t.

**Steve:** You think?

**Claudia:** Shut up, Jinksy.

***

_Round Three_

**Claudia:** Pete, I dare you to shoot this app--

**Artie:** What the hell is going on here?

**All:** Artie!!

**Claudia:** You’re home early!

**Artie:** _*sets bag down*_ I leave for two days and come back to this _*widely gestures to his office and them*_

**Pete:** Umm....

**Artie:** _*rubs forehead*_ Save it, I don’t want to hear it. Just go home.

_*All of them scramble out of their chairs and Artie’s office*_

**Artie:** _*looks down at Trailer, who has been sleeping under the desk*_ I thought I told you to keep them out of trouble.

**Trailer:** _*whines*_

**Artie:** I forgive you, boy. Come on, stroll around the warehouse before bed. _*pats knee*_ Let’s go.

**Trailer:** _*short bark as he follows*_

 


End file.
